The smell of memory.

Walking along the narrow streets of Amsterdam on a sunny April afternoon and a middle aged woman in a camel coat walks past me and I’m assaulted by a powerful smell of roses. A frown moves across my face and my eyes squint and I recoil in disgust as a dark memory bubbles up like…

Observations on a Funeral

This place has eaten too many of my friends and family. A behemoth squatting in the centre of the city. A sleeping dragon burning its offerings, spitting out dust and broken relatives. Drunken gravestones sinking into their rotting hosts, the playground of squirrels and their cache of winter sustenance. We’re early. Parking was not a…

Working notes on the account of a suicide.

In 2015 a good friend killed himself. I’ll call him John. He would have been fifty the following month. The previous year he applied for a job he didn’t want as a courtesy to the people who thought he would be the perfect candidate. They were right and he got the unwanted promotion, to start…

Future love

Spirits come through the tea leaves and tarot cards not known by him He doesn’t see through to me or my history They’re on the shelf Obvious Why do you not see me, invisible Moved on to younger, better, brighter Fuck it, own it Dom top it I am garbage.


Lolloping along, An extinct gait with cracked toes, Brontosaurus feet.

The Beast from the East

The Beast caresses me with icy fingers, but does not bestow me with his inches. Wherefore art thou, Beast? #BeastFromTheEast

Auld lang Syne – the saddest song in the world.

For most of my life New Years Eve has been the booze filled fun time it is for most people. Friends get together, get drunk, sometimes dress up in ridiculous outfits and see in the New Year together, but more recently it seems to be changing. When I was kid, my Nana used to throw…

Best Friends

My friend Dean told me today, over coffee, the he’s just split up with his boyfriend James. “What again?” I say, “This must be like the fourth time?” “Don’t be like that,” he says, but how am I meant to take his suffering seriously if he doesn’t even try to avoid it himself? I’ve told…

The Algorithm

Fifteen years an ex The algorithm found him “People you may know”   Fucking Instagram Showing me his wedding pics “Double tap to like”   Enforced Amnesia Years to mend what was broken Wouldn’t change a thing